lol u gyes here is some blondy jokes

Here are some: Add some more if you'd like =)-

One day a blonde goes into her car and startes the engine. She starts driving and all of a sudden these trees pop up in the middle of the road no matter where she goes. She swerves left and right to try and miss them. A cop sees her and pulls her over. He asked her: "ma'me, have you been drinking at all?" she looks at him and says "no officer, I promise! But these trees keep poping up in front of me." The officer stares at her and says "ma'me, that was your airfreshener..."


One time, these 2 blonds are sitting outside the gates of heaven waiting for G-d to judge them since they both have died. After a while of silence, the 1st blond turns to the 2nd and asks: "How did you die?". The 2nd blond says:"I froze to death. You?" The 1st blond says:"I was suspecting my husband was cheating on me so I come home early and went to our bedroom only to find my husband on the bed reading a book. I said "I know you're cheating on me!" and I ran outside the room to the basement. I searched down there but there was no one. I ran all the way back upstairs into the living room and searched all around the sofa. Finding no one there, I ran outside and looked in the bushes. The place was empty so I went to the bathroom and looked behind the toilet and the shower. Again, no one was there so I ran to the kitchen but collapsed on the floor dead from running so much...". She finished so the 2nd blond says:"Pity, if you'd only looked in the freezer we might have both still been alive."


The other day, a blond decided to go horseback riding. She was having a wonderful ride until suddenly her horse went out of control! She lost her grip and started to slip off the horse, but her foot was caught in one of the stirrups! There was nothing she could do but hang there, upside down. The horse didn't even slow down as the blond's head continuously bounced on the ground! Her head bounced and bounced, and just as she was about to give up and lose consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came and unplugged the ride!



Wuz de night befoe Cremma an all ovah da hood
Er body wuz sleepin, dey wuz sleepin good
We hung up r stockin and hope like da hek
Dat ole Sandy Claw goan bring da welfare check
All de family wuz lay in dey beds
While Funderbert wine dance in dey heads
I'd passed out on de flow right next to Ma
When I hear such a fuss I tink it wuz de law
I looked frew da bars dat covered ma doe
Spectin da sheriff wif a warrant to show
And what I seen den made me say "Look at DAT"
Dey wuz a huge wallamelon pulled by sum wharf rats
All ober de worl Sandy Claw be white
But he look like us bros come dis Cremma night
Fastah dan a poleeze car de homeboy he came
He hollah at dem wharf rats, he call dem by name
On Leroy, On Roosevelt, Jonterious Lee,
On Willy and Malcolm - Dey's a sight to see!
He landed dat melon out dere in da screet
I knew fo sure den wuz de damndest I seen
He didn't come down no chimley
He picked de lock on ma doe
An I says to myself "Sheeit! He dun dis befoe!"
He hat dis big bag fulla presents I spec
Wif Air Jordans and Golt to wear 'round ma neck
But he lef no good presents, jus stoled all my shit
Got ma drugs and ma guns and ma Burglar Kit
Wif ma stuff in dat bag out da winda he flew
I woulda chaste him but he took ma knife too!
He hop in dat melon and whooped out a switch
He were gone in one second - Dat Fat Sum a Bitch!
Next year I be hopin a white Sandy we get
Cuz de black Sandy Claw - he ain't wurf a SHIT


Redneck Joke

One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road in Earl's pickup, drinking a couple of Buds, when Bubba started sputterin, "Lookey thar, up ahead, Earl! It's a po-leeze roadblock! We're gonna git busted fer drinkin these here beers fer sure!!" "Don't git all festered up, Bubba!" Earl replied, "We'll jes pull over and finish up drinkin these beers, peel off the labels, and stick 'em on our foreheads, then throw the empties under the seat." "What fer?" asked Bubba. "Jes let me do all the talkin', will ya?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empties under the seat, and slapped the labels on their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the Sheriff asked, "Have you boys been drinking?" "No, Sir!" replied Earl. "We're on the patch!"

Blondy Stand Right Here

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over.

When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.

He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde,

'Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!'.

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.

When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, 'Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!'

He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.

When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.

He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.

Now she's laughing.

The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.

He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

'What's so funny?' the truck driver asked the blonde.

She replied, 'Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!!

[[email protected]]my hotmail[/omfg hahah