A short Story I made up without a name

This is a discussion on A short Story I made up without a name within the General Chat board part of the General category; This is a short story by Cheesemaster note:the story is the parts with the quote marks,spoken dialog is underlined "He ...

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  1. #1
    cheesemaster's Avatar
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    A short Story I made up without a name

    This is a short story by Cheesemaster
    note:the story is the parts with the quote marks,spoken dialog is underlined

    "He stared in to his sphere of Pure Wonder he asks the very air around him.

    Why?

    The wonder than made the sphere changed its shape and colour to reveal a man
    he was sitting in a chair staring back at him the man within the Sphere began to speak.

    Why?

    The man in the sphere questioned him.
    he simple replied.

    I don't know

    The man in the Sphere looked saddened,
    than he said in a sad yet self reassuring tone.



    But you are the maker of live and worlds surely you have reason for your action


    He was both confused and angered by the Mans forceful given Power and Knowledge
    to him and his hope laid bare on his hand.

    the man stared at him and than Started seemly begging with the repeated chant of

    Maker of Live and world,Joy and Pain why have you forsaken me?

    he was greatly angered by this chant to the point where with the very force he created the Worlds,life,joy and pain he Threw the Sphere to his feet.

    it shattered too many shards.
    he spent some time after calming down.
    after he calmed down he looked down at the thousand Shards.
    he saw the man once more he was no longer in the sphere but in his realm of thought and wonder.
    the man was dying,the essence of the realm was punishing to his very presents.
    he than looked up at him with a look of pain and exhaustion he open his mouth to cry out.

    Maker of Live and world,Joy and Pain why have you forsaken me?

    he felt the air around him changing.
    The impurity of a mere Mortal was an insult to wonder and thought.
    he looked up to the now darkened sky of wonder,he sense the world Moving and breaking his thought,his wonder,his joy and his pain left him.
    he was empty.
    he fell asleep.
    he awoken in a small room he was on a chair it was tilted toward to point where the celling and the wall meet.
    beside him he found another sphere.
    he looked into this sphere with confusion.
    he saw himself dying at the hands of a powerful being.
    Than as sudden as the he was ripped of his Wonder,thought joy and pain
    the powerful being appeared to be holding the room.
    he knew his fate and what had happened.
    he knew Because of his sins he must face Time.
    he knew that because of the Man who wondered why he killed him he was doomed to his fate."


    The End

    hope you enjoyed.
    Last edited by cheesemaster; 07-15-2008 at 01:57 AM. Reason: few little tweaks
    VITAMIN A!!!

  2. #2
    The Pope's Avatar
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    I got lost halfway through reading it. Anyway you could make it easier on the eyes?


    sig made by freshfish

  3. #3
    kabarastar's Avatar
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    Ohh my god man this is sucks they should close this topic I waste 3min from my life for nothin ftw




  4. #4
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    Tresspass is offline Bleh.
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    The Pope is cooking something up himself

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    Loioster is offline Banned User Array
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    Lol I read first line and went down to comments xD

  6. #6
    kabarastar's Avatar
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    So yeah this short story is boring do you remmber me loioster?




  7. #7
    Vent is offline Guru
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    Quote Originally Posted by kabarastar View Post
    Ohh my god man this is sucks they should close this topic I waste 3min from my life for nothin ftw
    man I guess you even arent intrested in Literature/books/storys/etc...
    so pls dont post this unnecessary comment here
    when you think you can make a better story then gl...

  8. #8
    kabarastar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vent View Post
    man I guess you even arent intrested in Literature/books/storys/etc...
    so pls dont post this unnecessary comment here
    when you think you can make a better story then gl...
    lol me? I always make with ppl deal they send to me stories and books they send to me every week and every month and books don't say to one that if u don't know him
    I guess you don't understand this story so why u speak (i just joke):biggrin:
    I just talk about this is story needs some interesting for it will be nice story
    and realy nice work




  9. #9
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    I don't know if many people write like I do My short sorties and songs/poems are about emotions and the world around me I don't focus on action(since I don't plan of selling my stories or poems I don't see any reason to do so)I just thought maybe some people would like the read it and get some feedback(which some of you have done)


    but for some of you, you haven't even read the story and if you attention span is that low than you should seek medical help and at the least not blame me for having the attention span of a Dead beetle
    Last edited by cheesemaster; 07-15-2008 at 01:53 AM. Reason: addition comment
    VITAMIN A!!!

  10. #10
    poises is offline Banned User Array
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    excellent

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