I think nobody in this forum hates you. You have done much for this forum and you deserve a timeout if you want (more than 2000rep is a huge proof).
Everything that i can say: That wouldn't change anything, so don't. Going to a psychologist isn't bad as Tracky already said. I hope you will be good in life and maybe you can come back to this forum soon. Best wishes...I've been thinking of hurting myself, haven't come that far yet, but close.