My poem first Poem on D3dscene. Comment

[Free_rebel]

Hey , guys yes I write sometimes , So tell me whats good , what's not good , and tell me what . If you like the first one. I could put up more on my blog. and do not STEAL IT. my words my soul




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Sometimes the most innocent live and sustain a constant pain

They once breathed and lived so comfortably

Suddenly we blink and the once beautiful land

The birds die , the trees starts to burn ,

Ashes surround the land blew by the wind,

Dark clouds come upon the sky , were dark tainted blood rains

As you walk this road and feel so determined

No matter how hard you try to skip the traps

Pain grabs you and starts to contract .

Your heart starts to pump fast , tears shed down your face , you try to get away

But sadly and suddenly you see the world as a dark place

You scream for help , you run to find a door trying to escape

But sometimes you run out of luck

You get hit badly but the truck

You can no longer move hurt feeling so bitter

Because certain who face reality , cannot bear to feel what hurts the most

Drugs for them is the anwser thinking they will feel better

Sinking them lower in the ocean,

The more you take the deeper you find yourself in the sombre water as you loose oxygen

You try to reach the surface seeing the water glimmer , but you keep going lower and lower

You drift away and the only way to free your self , is sometimes jumping getting hit by the train

We all live success but sometimes threw our journey

Pain attempts to bush us back , sometimes destroying what we once had

Leaving us to reminisce having such regret

Some look threw the mirror but for some reason they are blind ,

To all whom have a friend or family drifting from reality

Do not let them rot in the dark , no matter what

Be kind each out for them as maybe you are their only Hope

To live breath or cherish life and what it has to offer


After Reading , give me an opinion a suggested tittle

Thank you

[dededz]

It does't even MATTER if it's real good or not, what matters is that u have the guts to write it down and spread it out. Nice job, and keep it up, the ony thing that can get u further is the passion u can put into it. Congrats

[Hallowsend]

This was a very well written poem and VERY good. Much more articulate than I could ever be, you should seriously write some more of these. And I agree with the poster above me. Just the fact that you had the confidence to post this here and not be completely worried about what people thinks is the point. You earn some reputation

[Free_rebel]

Yessur , thats me alright , my saying is '' F*** the world '' , hey add me to ur friends list i think we could have good conversation